God didn't give me what I wanted, what now?

Do you find yourself struggling in your faith? Your faith in God, that He will provide a way out of a situation. Your faith that your prayers can change someone’s life. I know I have questioned these things sometimes. Not because I don’t believe that God can do it, but because when I don’t get the answer I thought I needed, I question if my prayers even mattered. A time that I recall experiencing these feelings was when my best friend’s father passed. This wasn’t just “my friend’s dad”, their house was my second home, he was another father to me. Waiting in the hospital as the doctors worked to try to bring him back I cried out to God. I didn’t care who heard as long as God did. I had no doubt my prayers would be heard and answered, they always had been before. When my prayers didn’t produce the result I had hoped for that day, my heart started crumbling. I felt like that was the most important prayer I had ever prayed and I didn’t understand why God didn’t give me what I asked for.

The following days were a mix of so many thoughts. I still loved my Creator, I still had a passion to serve Him, but I questioned the relevance of everything. What is the point of praying? What is the point of going to Sunday School? Was I not worthy enough? Was I not living righteously enough for my prayers to be answered? My mind was circulating these thoughts at the same time my heart was grieving the loss of a father figure. I felt the pain of his absence but even more than that, I felt pain for my best friend. Seeing her absolutely broken was absolutely breaking me. I felt guilty that I still had my own father. I felt selfish for having doubts when my faith was being tested, because that was her right, not mine, after all it wasn’t me who lost my daddy. For months I just cried every night when I tried to pray. I still felt comforted by God, but I couldn’t find meaning in asking for anything because it all seemed trivial compared to asking for my friend’s father to be healed on that heartbreaking day.

We’ve all read the verse that says faith the size of a mustard seed can move a mountain. I was feeling like I must not even have a mustard seed. There was no sudden revelation, but slowly I found my bridge back. Because I needed the connection more than I needed answers. I learned to trust that God knows the desires of my heart and He does answer yes when it’s right, and that when the answer isn’t what I want then it’s not for me to understand why. However, if we want to see our prayers answered and build our faith then we have to do our part. Mark 11:22 says,

[Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins too.”]

Jesus tells us 1. Have faith. 2.Don’t doubt 3. Believe you’ve received 4. Forgive

So many times, I told God I was trusting Him but what I was saying to myself didn’t line up. If we received an unexpected bill I would say “I don’t know how we are going to pay this.” That’s not faith in God, that’s my flesh trying to find a solution before I even ask God. So now if we get an unexpected bill, I say “That bill is going to get paid on time.” Believe you have received it. After I started applying these steps to my life, God began restoring my faith. On three separate occasions $100 showed up just when we needed it. You might argue it wasn’t God who sent it. And to that I would say, someone sent me $100 via PayPal with a note that said “God told me to send this to you.” He couldn’t get more obvious than that. Maybe there is a mustard seed inside of me after all, and it is ready to sprout!

Are you ready to start building your faith? I can’t wait to hear about what God does in your life!

Will you pray this prayer with me?

Lord, your word says without faith it is impossible to please you. Strengthen my faith so that every part of my life pleases you. Take the sprout that is my faith and grow it into a mighty tree that bends and sways but does not break when the winds of the world come against me. Open my eyes to see your hand at work in my life so that my faith does not waiver. Renew a steadfast spirit within me. Even when I do not see a plan and a purpose, remind me that you already know the plans and the purpose. I put my trust in you today and every day. I trust you with my present, my future, and my life. I love you, Lord.

In Jesus Name,

Amen.